My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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