Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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