I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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