Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
