The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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