new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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