I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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