when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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