you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
