I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
