my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
