Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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