My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
