quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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