I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
