some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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