now i know why i became what i already was.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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