I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
