i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
