My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
