I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
