I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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