You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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