Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
