Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
