i just wanna soil my oats bro
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
