My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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