He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
