The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
