her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize