a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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