we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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