Will you blow on my dice?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
