I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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