Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
