so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize