So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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