Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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