did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
MIDGETS
????
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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