I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
