i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
