Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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