We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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