med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
tell me about the eggs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
