oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
