Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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