OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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