my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
