So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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