all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
