Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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