I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
