I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
