that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
