some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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