oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
