Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
