My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
