I must be too annoying 4 u.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
