Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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