pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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