She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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