I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
