Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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