you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
