how can u be prego again
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
