Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
