i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
