I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Farmville is her only friend.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
