Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
