I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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