STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
