i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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