chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
