also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
