I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize