You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
