Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
