I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
