maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
