i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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