i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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