so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
