Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
