Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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