i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
