when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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