we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
