His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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