and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have feelings that need drinking.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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