I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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