"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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