I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
