Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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