pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
do herpes really smell.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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